If you've spent even 5 seconds in a baby store you may have noticed something disturbing. All the clothing, from premature baby sizes on up is neatly divided into "boys" and "girls" sections. What's even weirder about this abrupt line is that eyeing the sections quickly will reveal that girls get one color (pink, with the occasional purple accent thrown in) and boys get all the other colors. This is so incredibly limiting to both genders, but especially to girls. There is a lot of science on how adults interact differently with babies and kids if they believe the child to be a boy or a girl (regardless of the truth). Obviously, we don't "hide" the gender of either of our children (I'm not sure how that would even work). But we do want them to feel free to pick anything off the buffet of options that life has to offer. You may think that dressing your daughter exclusively in pink isn't a problem as long as you get her blocks to play with (hey! they even make pink ones of those too... gag). One problem with that, among others, is what happens when she encounters non pink toys and decides that they aren't for her. It is this subtle segregation of kids by gender role that rubs me very much the wrong way. By the way, if you think "it's always been this way, why make waves?", I'm here to tell this is not true. Toys are way more gendered now than they were 30 years ago.Finally, if I haven't convinced you yet of the value of dressing all children in all the colors, then consider the following. Buying more neutral clothing is practical if you want to maximize the number of hand-me downs available for any other children in your future, whether they be yours or those of friends and family. Finally, here is a great blog post on this whole topic from another mother.
If you're thinking that this is all very noble but highly challenging, then you are correct. For starters, well meaning people in your life will buy you whatever they feel like (especially as new baby presents). The difficulty increases as you start to leave baby clothing. (At least some baby clothing is less gendered, due to the fact that a portion of people wait until the baby is born to find that out.) Obviously, it's nearly impossible to control what other people do, but where does one buy clothing for one's own children to balance out the onslaught of frilly pink dresses? Here are some tips and brands we've found that present great options in this dimension (scroll to the end to find out how to make this affordable).
Brands that sell non-gendered clothing
- - Zutano: Available directly from their site, as well as on Amazon and Giggle,
this brand sells really high quality clothing, with fun designs, that will definitely survive multiple children's antics.
- - Magnificent Baby: This is a really wonderful brand (see their Amazon store) that sells clothing with magnetic closures (these are particularly awesome when traveling and trying to change a diaper in a bathroom on a moving train or airplane). It's true that their clothing are all labeled "boy" and "girl," but we can look past this sad state of affairs due to the fact that the actual designs are really adorable and not actually gendered.
- - Boden: You may have seen their adult clothing line at Nordstroms or a British high street. Their children's clothing, however, available here, is particularly excellent. They sell a single line for babies under 3. While the mini line (starting at one and a half years) are also divided by gender, most of the pieces are easily appropriate for all kids. (Note to watch: the "boys" clothing runs a bit bigger so pay attention to the size chart when choosing which size to get).
- - Polarn O. Pyret: This is a Swedish brand that sells fantastic clothing for active play, including great outerwear. They even have a line called "uni" that is specifically not targeted. You can buy it at their site or on Amazon. Word of caution: their sizes run huuuuuuge because apparently Swedish children are giants in the making so pay careful attention to the size chart.
- - Gap: Ok so this one is a bit of a stretch. Their clothing is most definitely gendered. That said, their "playroom" line is really appropriate for anyone. Absolutely a good option, that's obviously easy to find everywhere in America.
- - Just buying clothing and putting it on your children. Who said that trucks and flowers are just for half the children?
Oh My God! I just spent a king's ransom dressing my child!
Some of the above brands can absolutely run very expensive. We are in no way advocating that you spend $24 on a t-shirt that your toddler will grow out in 4 months (or cover in escalator grease... that said, if they do cover it in escalator grease, here are some cleaning tips). Here are some ways you can buy clothing that fit with your world view without breaking the bank.- End of Season Sales - You, as a member of modern society, are aware of how calendars work. When all the high end brand websites and stores are clearing out their winter clothes, it's time to go to town on sizes that will fit your kid in 6 months. This is the perfect opportunity to buy winter coats, sweaters, and pants at half off or more. (Conversely, the end of August is great for buying bathing suits which are also really expensive for kids if they have a built in diaper.) Sure, storage space at your house is probably at a premium, but this is the kind of thing that can get put in a bin that goes in that impossible to reach corner of your closet.
- High end children's second hand stores. Most major metropolitan areas have one (Fancy Pants is an example of one in Boston, The Second Child is great in Chicago). All the high end brands we described above make clothing that way outlasts one child. We bought an excellent Boden coat in one for $10. The coat then went on to another child. I'm sure that coat originally retailed for at least $50. Plus, buying high end brands means you can often resell them to these very same stores, thus making back some of your investment (assuming your kid stays away from the escalator grease at least some of the time). If you don't have one of thoes places local, you can always try out threadUP, either to buy (Shop thredUP's Designer Looks Section Now!
) or sell (Clean out your Closet with thredUP
)
- Amazon Mom
sales - Once you've signed up for Amazon Mom, keep an eye out for emails and coupons from Amazon with periodic sales as well as using their advanced search to find deeply discounted items.
This seems like a lot of work... is it worth it?
So I guess this depends on your outlook on life. This seems worth it to me. It's really important to me that my children know that they can climb any play ground structure, play with any toy, and try any new thing they want. I never want either of them to think that their gender has anything to do with those decisions. Clothing may not seem like a big deal, but it's amazing how small attitude changes affect children. We let our toddler pick her clothing out every morning. Some days she picks the fire truck shirt and other days the frilly dress. Either way, for now, she knows that she can do anything!
